I'd like to make myself believe...

Such a great day! Everything fell oddly into place and what could've been just another day turned out to be a very good one indeed.

Usually, on such a good day, I'm not one to spend it writing and dwelling on thoughts of past, present, future. Today, however, I write about taking chances, grabbing opportunities when they present themselves. I'm more and more becoming the person I want to be. I'm happy, I really am. I always had everything I needed to do whatever the hell I wanted, and yet fear, awkwardness, sheer stupidity, always prevented me from acting, from being more proactive about what I wanted in life, instead of simply hoping and dreaming for everything to be perfect while I drifted through life wondering what was next.

I don't yet know exactly what this change (albeit, gradual and slow) actually means. But so far, I do feel very confortable being who I am. Truth be told, I am who I am and will always be. Also, I'll always question the meaning of life, of everything. I just have to become someone I can live with. And I actually think I'm succeeding! :)

I find myself shooting first and asking questions later, so to speak... or, more literally, acting first, (over)thinking later, and it's quite a nice change of pace.

Last, but not least, I find myself taking chances on people... and as much as I distrust them naturally, I feel like no one can really hurt me.

Have I told you what a good day it was? :)

"Everything is never as it seems..." :)

Tell me what you want to hear...

And just like that, out of the blue, a glimmer of hope straight from the past... :)

Life does indeed work in mysterious ways.

Sooner or later, the people you love let you down.

What's the point?

The more you try to help someone, somehow, the faster you'll be burned. And the funny thing is... the person doing the burning might not be someone you'd expect. Life is indeed filled with an awful lot of twists and turns we will never anticipate, we will never understand or accept. It is what it is, though.

No one is above reproach. We make mistakes. Fact. With that said, no one should feel free to throw the first stone. In the end, it only makes you look bad. The last couple of days were awful, really. Out of a very unusual and unexpected series of events, I learned that a few people I consider to be true friends, are actually not.

Truth is, I'm troubled and sad. But at the same time, not surprised... and in retrospect, I should've seen it coming. I don't really ever demand anything from my friends... but I expect them to be loyal and open with me. If they have a problem, they should come out and say it. Otherwise, we go into the realm of lies and deception... and I have no desire to go there. Well, problem is, we're there already.

While some might choose to play that game, I do not. I will never be cynical to the point of lecturing others on where the blame lies. I will not be an hypocrite and pretend all is well. So, while it hurts me badly to know that I really have almost no one left to trust, I really don't care. I will lick my wounds and keep on going. As it turns out, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I made my mistakes, but I will not bear the brunt for other people's failed lives. I've been played and burned before... so this time, I won't sit idly by. If anyone wants a fight, they'll get a fight.

At the end of the day, I realize people are overrated. You can never trust or count on anyone but yourself. Nevermind helping others, you'll only get thrown in the crossfire and probably shot in the back. And that's exactly how I feel tonight...

Just let it sink in.

"There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.

It's all about the climb."

No, I will not let you down...

There's something that has been clear to me for quite some time...

I was born in the wrong place, at the wrong time.