After a couple of pretty decent days, in which I've done nothing of what I'd set out to do, I guess I'm ready to go back to my scheduled routine. Pretty much like New Year's Eve, my birthday and the days immediately before and after are days in which I wonder a lot. Basically, I can never get my head around the fact that I'm as old as I am, that time flew by so quickly, that somehow, I was supposed to be elsewhere doing something else. It sounds stupid, but it's the same every year. :)
As expected, this year I pretty much can't think of myself as being 28 years old. Seriously, I feel like I got into college just a year or two ago and it has been like ten. People I met in the meantime seem so *new* in my life, yet I've known them for 6, 7, 8 years. Still, for everything that's familiar during these days, through all the years past, this year I find myself pretty much in a new chapter of my wondrous life... :)
It's not like all my problems are solved, no. Things are pretty much as complicated and messy as they ever were. Yet it's a different kind of complicated and messy. On a professional level, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm not entirely happy with the way things have gone these last few months, but I'm still pretty well off, particularly if you consider everyone else. I can't seriously have any complaints. I work on my own time, I make more than enough to waste in every little thing I please and still have plenty to spare. Yes, it frustrates me at times, because my projects could be doing much, much better, but that's just being unrealistic.
On a personal level, all sorts of unexpected things have been happening. Some good, some bad. Simply put, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. For the most part, it saddens me, because I really could use some emotional balance in my life, a purpose. But, even as that has always saddened me, I've learned that, sometimes, you're better off alone than being in a relationship that you know has no future and will invariably lead to disappointment for any of those involved. I'd rather not hurt or get hurt in something ultimately meaningless. Besides, in all honesty, a relationship now would be so very complicated for me, as my plans are to leave, and be away for quite a while. And being single has its advantages, of course!
Above all else, this was a great year for me, even if I take into consideration every little setback, disappointment, etc. My immediate plans are laid right in front of me... and while I know plans never work quite as they were planned, I feel I can reach my objectives if I just make a little effort. It's not always simple, that's a given... my mind often wanders, and I never make it easy on myself. I'll always suffer with everything around me, but in a way that's what gives me an unique perspective of things, of life in general... and ultimately, that's what defines me as a person, as a man.
And you know what? I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. I'm a pretty decent human being. :)
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