We know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

A brief note before I begin, I'm completely hungover, so bear with me.

I've been very frustrated over the last couple of days... people tend to disappoint you, that's an universal truth. You never expect it to be one of your closest friends, though. Last night, in particular, was tough on me for one simple reason... seeing things being done, things I strongly disapprove of, and not be able to say anything, do anything completely ate me from the inside.

This is mostly about values... dignity, honesty, friendship, respect. I will never consider myself to be morally superior to anyone, but I'd like to think I live my life according to a set of morals and values that were taught to me and that I really believe should be the basis of everyone's actions. So, you might argue that I think my values are better than those of those around me... You're probably right. Call me old-fashioned, I don't care.

So, with that in mind, when I see people deceiving someone I care about, when I see people tossing out of the window all the respect for their friends, I'll surely be upset, to say the least. That's the kind of actions I get to see everyday, from people I either don't know or don't care about. It annoys me, yes, in the sense that I'll always suffer with all the wrongs in the world, but in the end, it doesn't concern me. When the people involved in such things as I described are my friends, things take a turn for the worst. I find myself sadly trusting less and less people everyday.

Where do I fit in exactly? I don't really know.

Live life to the fullest and don't let it be a secret to the ones you love that you love them.

So much gets lost along the way.

First steps. That's what last week was all about. I finally began to walk the path I've set out for me a long, long time ago. I won't hide that I'm feeling troubled over it, but I have to keep going. My future is in my hands, and my hands alone.

Everything is working out pretty good in my life recently, I have to be honest. Still, it could have been so much better, really, had I opened my eyes a little sooner. And that's mostly what has been troubling me, the fact that my "life plan" needs to keep adapting to my mistakes. I know making plans is always an exercise in uncertainty... and that most of the time, whatever you got planned will not play out exactly as expected. Still, I think about all the ideas, thoughts, dreams I had for myself over the last few years and hardly any of them actually became true.

Tonight I find myself trying to do something I've always had a hard time doing... letting go.

What I'm feeling comes from understanding that I could be so much more than what I am right now. It's not arrogance, it's a fact. I know what I'm capable of, and somehow, I know that I'm limited by everything that surrounds me. My resolve in these last few months, the will to break free from all my past issues comes from there. I really want to be everything I can be.

I lost a lot along the way... and yes, my dreams, goals brought me disappointments, sorrow and heartache. But somehow, I'm still here. I guess we're bound to live our lives licking our wounds and living to fight another day. I am and I've been fighting for myself. I came too far already to give up on me. Tomorrow, I'm waking up with a smile on my face, knowing I've been giving my best and that no matter what the future holds, I'll be more than okay.

Like the title says, so much gets lost along the way. Simply let it go.

"Nothing great in the world ever gets done without passion."

Hegel

Where have all the *normal* people gone?

I've been stuck with that question on my mind for the last few days. Truth is, it still amazes me how silly (to say the least) people can really be. What's a *normal* person, anyway? :-\

Case in point: women.



I'm always surprised at how women can turn the most simple and straightforward thing into something complicated, chaotic. I'm no stranger to making things that are simple look overly complicated. In fact, I mastered it for years. Still, with the things I've been seeing lately, I'm a rookie compared to most women I know. A woman's brain seems unable to process simple things. It has to mash a ton of otherwise different and distinct problems into one big, giant mess for it to actually have any kind of meaning. By that stage, men will inevitably be scratching their heads, wondering what the hell happened to that simple issue that was right in front of them.

This may all sound very lyrical, but it's not that far from the truth, I think. Last Saturday I had to put up with two distinct groups of female friends, with each of them annoying me to no end. Their issues are irrelevant. In fact, that night, 5 mins after they started talking, they were already irrelevant to me. Hearing a 30-year old woman screaching like a bat every 2 minutes will do that to you. Again, where have all the normal women gone to?

The reason I'm actually writing this now is because this isn't an isolated incident. I've been meeting a lot of women over the last few months... and still, they are all either crazy, unstable, paranoid, whinny, futile, materialistic, immature, childish or simply problematic. I haven't met a single woman that I can safely say is a mature, balanced person. Even worse than that, most women I've been meeting seem to be stuck with the same mentality they had when they were 17. Women mature earlier, they say... yeah, right.

Women have every right to complain about men. They will argue that men in general are scum, worthless bastards that will inevitably disappoint them. To be entirely honest, there's a certain degree of truth to that. Still, women are partially to blame for that. After all, isn't chivalry dead? Why is it so? Simply put, women don't really care about that any longer. At least, they don't seem to. We live in a futile world, with little to no values left in people. That seems to be the norm nowadays.

I've strived to be and feel normal all these last few years. Damn, was I wrong... I don't want to be normal, like every other idiot out there. If I am to be one, at least I'll be a different idiot, and proud of it as well.

But... I wish I knew where all the normal people went... :)

Looking down at all I see.

A few hours ago I laid my eyes on what is possibly one of the most beautiful things I've seen in a long, long time. In a sudden burst of emotion, I was hit with mixed feelings of self-doubt, amazement, awe and bitter sadness. Why? Quite simply because I know, deep in me, that I'll never be able to have such a perfect thing in my life.

Maybe I'm not as immune to feelings as I think I am.......



It's so damn hard fighting for something there's a good chance you won't be able to achieve, without any kind of support, encouragement.

Sadly, I'm on my own...
I've known about it for a while, but I'd still like to believe that maybe, maybe, I could rely on someone to help me go through a challenging period of my life. Truth is, I can't. Most people will be sympathetic to your struggles, to your problems. Very few will actually take the time to listen to you. Even fewer will lend you a hand. People are selfish, that's just the way it is.

I'm not actually sad, nor depressed. I'm just angry and dissapointed. But above all else, I'm determined to go on. With every setback, I'll fight back harder than ever before... even if it's hard not letting it get to you, I'll admit.

Yes, I'm on my own. It's not like anyone cares...

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

And so it begins. 2010 is upon us. I wish you all a very, very good year.

With that said, I begin my year feeling that everything old can be new again. I'm going to be having a very tough January, starting tomorrow morning. I'm actually eager to get everything started, mostly because I know that whatever happens in the next few weeks will most likely determine what my year is going to be, possibly even what the next few years of my life are going to be. Yes, there's a lot of pressure, but I'm actually hoping to shape things the way I want them.

I've said it before, I hate the New Year's Eve night/party. It gets me thinking about what I've done over the last year, it gets me nostalgic and pretty much sad (because there's always a LOT I know I could've done better). Still, I had an interesting night, almost unexpectedly so. May the fact that it was different from every other new year's eve party mean that maybe this year is going to be a good one! :)

I'm hopeful, but I am perfectly aware that this year is going to be full of challenges. I know it's going to be very hard to get everything I want, everything I've set out to do over the next few months. But it all has to begin somewhere... and here's hoping tomorrow is that day.

Happy New Year! *