It's the little things that make your day :)

Forget for a moment all you ever wanted, all your big plans, all the good things you want to do tomorrow, next month, next year. Forget how you're gonna get there. Stop making life-altering decisions. Don't think big.

True happiness is in the simple, little things. :)

If you don't know something, it can't hurt you.

I find myself drawn to a certain sense of melancholy, apathy, tonight. It's not uncommon for me to feel like this on a Sunday night, but tonight it's a particularly intense feeling. I'm just empty, devoid of feelings, seemingly disconnected from everything and everyone. Worse still, I'm not entirely sure I'm as empty of feelings as I believe I am... maybe, just maybe, I simply don't want to unearth them, out of fear, out of a probable inability to deal with them. For all the effort I put into simply not feeling a thing, there's one side of me that really wants to cling to any semblance of a feeling. Like I said, I really don't know, I really don't want to care.

Ignorance is indeed bliss. Sadly, that's only one side of it... the doubt, the uncertainty of not knowing will eventually eat away at you, wear you down to the breaking point. I wouldn't say I'm there yet, but I have been feeling worn out.

Hopefully, a new week will bring something good. At least I'm hopeful, and that's never a bad thing... :)

Asking questions, searching for answers.

Honestly, I've been speechless for the last couple of days. I know there are many things I'll never understand and I know I'll always struggle with that... but lately, I've found myself time and time again finding it very hard to understand people and the way they react to obvious truths.

I can talk for hours about how people should really keep it simple, but the truth is we aren't made for simple things. Our lives are complicated and people don't really trust things that are easy, we will never really accept them.

With that in mind, I'm really tired of people coming up to me as if I was some sort of "relationship fireman". I like helping out others whenever possible. What I don't like is seeing people I care about making mistakes, time and time again, even though I had warned them repeatedly about it. It makes me wonder if I should even bother. I have my own issues to worry about and I simply can't carry everyone's troubles on my back. Sadly, my social life as of late has consisted mainly of me having to put out fires, so to speak. It's not my intention to be arrogant and self-centered but damn, can't people ever make smart decisions?!

I'm not exactly an example. Time and time again, I took all the stupid and naive paths I could have taken. But that was a long time ago. I'd like to think I'm a lot more pragmatic and cautious in everything I do in this regard. Yet everything I've been seeing around me is people making a mess out of absurd situations, simply because they either didn't think beforehand or they didn't care. Then, they deal with the consequences. It's frustrating to see that happening, annoying even. But I did my best to help out whenever possible. I simply have to care less and less about these things. People will do stupid things, all the time.

I won't hide it. I'm struggling. My friends used to be my safe haven. My weekends with them, the time and space I needed to wash away the frustrations of my weekly life. But things changed somewhat... I find myself with fewer and fewer true friends. I'm tired of the drama surrounding us all the time. I'd like to take action, but I really don't know what or how to do it. I often feel like I'm surrounded by people that have either gone mad, or are just acting stupid.

Truth be told (and I quote), "We don't know why we're here, we don't really know what to do, but we still search for answers. And we often fail, even with the best intentions in mind". I'm still looking for my answers...

Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

After a couple of pretty decent days, in which I've done nothing of what I'd set out to do, I guess I'm ready to go back to my scheduled routine. Pretty much like New Year's Eve, my birthday and the days immediately before and after are days in which I wonder a lot. Basically, I can never get my head around the fact that I'm as old as I am, that time flew by so quickly, that somehow, I was supposed to be elsewhere doing something else. It sounds stupid, but it's the same every year. :)

As expected, this year I pretty much can't think of myself as being 28 years old. Seriously, I feel like I got into college just a year or two ago and it has been like ten. People I met in the meantime seem so *new* in my life, yet I've known them for 6, 7, 8 years. Still, for everything that's familiar during these days, through all the years past, this year I find myself pretty much in a new chapter of my wondrous life... :)

It's not like all my problems are solved, no. Things are pretty much as complicated and messy as they ever were. Yet it's a different kind of complicated and messy. On a professional level, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm not entirely happy with the way things have gone these last few months, but I'm still pretty well off, particularly if you consider everyone else. I can't seriously have any complaints. I work on my own time, I make more than enough to waste in every little thing I please and still have plenty to spare. Yes, it frustrates me at times, because my projects could be doing much, much better, but that's just being unrealistic.
On a personal level, all sorts of unexpected things have been happening. Some good, some bad. Simply put, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. For the most part, it saddens me, because I really could use some emotional balance in my life, a purpose. But, even as that has always saddened me, I've learned that, sometimes, you're better off alone than being in a relationship that you know has no future and will invariably lead to disappointment for any of those involved. I'd rather not hurt or get hurt in something ultimately meaningless. Besides, in all honesty, a relationship now would be so very complicated for me, as my plans are to leave, and be away for quite a while. And being single has its advantages, of course!

Above all else, this was a great year for me, even if I take into consideration every little setback, disappointment, etc. My immediate plans are laid right in front of me... and while I know plans never work quite as they were planned, I feel I can reach my objectives if I just make a little effort. It's not always simple, that's a given... my mind often wanders, and I never make it easy on myself. I'll always suffer with everything around me, but in a way that's what gives me an unique perspective of things, of life in general... and ultimately, that's what defines me as a person, as a man.

And you know what? I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. I'm a pretty decent human being. :)

Yes, I'm 28.

Yeah :) It's my birthday! \o/

I'm gonna go celebrate as best as I can! :)*



P.S.: Wonderful article on the NYTimes... read it if you're interested in this sort of thing :) Article...

Into the night.

I'm not ok.
It's not that anything is terribly wrong, but I feel tired, exhausted really, seriously lacking hours of sleep and reasons to feel great about everything.

Maybe tonight I can breathe for a while... *

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

Back from London.
Renewed focus and determination, is what I brought from there. At the same time, though, I came back consumed with bitter feelings of anguish, sorrow.
I realize I'm on a one-way path. I have my choices to make, but I know my life won't ever be easy, simple and it most likely won't be spent here after this next summer.
I came back realizing that fulfilling lifelong dreams and ambitions is harder than it seems and usually means letting go of things you care about.

Where do you find the balance between all you want to be and all you have to leave behind?

I have no clue, as usual.

Oh, how I'd like to be somebody else entirely...

P.S.: Pardon my inconsistency tonight, but I'm exhausted. Words aren't really coming out as they should at the moment... still, my incoherent thoughts might still amuse you, lol.