Happy endings are few and far between...

These last few weeks, months have been a blessing to me. I finally found a way to be me and yet, not be the fragile, broken human being at the same time. I could say that I found my inner peace, but that would be understating it, I actually built it. It has been a long time coming, it took a lot of trial and error, but finally, I think I did it. I have nothing to be upset about with what I have in my life. I have everything I need and what I don't have, I can achieve. And that's the most important thing I can think of right now... I am able to do things, I can achieve all that I ever wanted if I put enough effort and energy into it.

On the same note, the last few days have been somewhat emotionally exhausting. It's the very first time since I entered this "enlightened" phase of mine that I'm actually questioning what it all means, if I'm able to keep up, if I can handle everything. The truth is, I have been a little scared I might just break down again, sometime. But what I realized is that everyone feels the pressure, be it to perform at their jobs, be it to be there for their friends, be it for their own personal problems. Everyone, without exception, will eventually feel troubled at various points in their lives. Even if I felt I wasn't part of the norm for a long, long time, I'm no exception. While I can't complain about what my life has given me, I occasionally let my frustrations take the best of me. The difference now is I'm not depressed or sad because something doesn't happen the way I'd like it to. My frustrations come from the fact that I want to achieve, I want to be so much more than what I am, and I want to do it as fast as possible. Usually, patience is one of my virtues, it truly is. Now, not so much. Much has changed indeed... when before I felt like this, my feelings of bitterness and restlessness came from deeply rooted issues I had, my insecurity, my low self-esteem, all my bad past experiences. Nowadays, my frustration comes from an eagerness to get things done, to grow into someone better, someone I'm sure I can be, from an equally strong sense of ambition. While it may feel similar, everything sure is different now.

Contrary to the saying, I don't think you can expect much good to come to those who simply wait. This life, the world around us and the way it works isn't complacent with those who don't fight for what they want. This is a world of winners and losers, it always has been. I don't intend to simply stand idly by like I have for so long. Yes, it's also a world of opportunities lost and found, but the truth is you can never find most of them if you aren't ready for them.

Happy endings won't ever happen by chance. You have to earn them, you have to fight for them. There's no point in being distressed by the occasional problem we'll face. Our character, our value is shown in how we pick up the pieces and keep on going forward. And I don't really intend to stop anytime soon...