I'm at a place and time in my life where I can safely say I've felt almost everything I could've felt by now. This weekend was a small display of such a wide range of emotions, all crammed into two otherwise ordinary days. I cried, I laughed, I had my fair share of sadness, I had my fun. Above all else, I grew. Hard to explain how, but I felt real change in me, in the way I deal with the things that concern me the most. Strangely, I felt valued, I felt people cared for me, I realized I'm not that horrible person I always think I am. In a weird way, the past couple of days lifted me up, instead of tearing me down like they were supposed to.
Yes, I'm not out of the woods, yet. But I am longing for this next week. I actually feel good about it, I'm really, really hopeful I can pick up the pieces that were shattered last week and put it all together again. I really want to, I really believe I can do it.
I know what I want. For once in a long time, I'm not letting my fear take the wheel and drive me into a corner. I know what I want to do, even if I don't know if it'll be possible to achieve. I'm aware of the possibilities, the harsh realities I may yet have to face, but I'm not running away.
Life may be unfair, but I'm actually hoping it will be unfair in my favour this week... here's hoping!
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