In the end, it makes you who you are.

And here it is. The day has finally arrived.

Truth is, I'm glad. Whatever the result, I couldn't deal with it any longer. My last few days were simply terrible. I put my heart and soul into this, gave up on a lot of things to have a shot at something truly amazing. The thing is... feeling like I might not get there tore me down. It was always going to be a very big personal failure for me, if that ever happened, though I never actually believed it could. And all of a sudden, I feel mortal. I feel that something that was within my reach, might not actually be.

In a way, the fact that I realized that before the exam itself is a good thing. At the very least, I had the chance to think about what my alternatives would be. I had the chance to take in the fact that I could fail and it was much, much better that it happened during the last few days, than it would be if it happened tomorrow.

In the end, it is what it is, a small step that could lead to something... or not. Be it as it may, it'll be a footnote in the grand scheme of things.

This ordeal, as hard as it has been, has proved to be an invaluable experience. I should be thankful. Not a whole lot of people get the chance I have. Also, I should be most thankful for a very special person that has kept me together through all of it. She will probably never read this, but she'll always have my deepest thanks, my most sincere respect and my most profound love and admiration. I don't say this lightly. It is with a heavy heart that I know I'll have another problem to solve soon, albeit of a different nature. Like they say... one day at a time.

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned, I can't wait any longer. I just want to be done with it. And then? Then we'll see...