Like a punch to the stomach, all of a sudden... everything was out of place... everything was not ok.
I really am out there. My feet aren't firmly pressed to the ground and I don't really know what I'm doing. I can't even begin to try to understand what the last few days have meant to me, I can't really find a coherent line of thought coming out of my mind at the moment.
I know what I'm feeling. I just don't want to believe it and I don't really need this right now, not three weeks from a very important moment in my life. And yet, in the last few days, it's like I don't even care... The only thing I'm reasonably sure of, right now... is that I'm setting myself up to look like such a major idiot.
Still, life will go on. I couldn't ask for a more ungrateful place to be in right now, though. I'm not really scared of getting hurt or failing miserably, I just don't want to be stuck wondering the "what if's" of the choices I'm making. But I guess that's the price you pay for a shot at... something.
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