Truth is, I'm tired. It's been months and weeks of hard work, of worrying, of careful planning and consideration. The last few days have been particularly draining, though. The exam is right around the corner. Oddly enough, while I'm worried, I know it'll be ok. I've set the bar really high, that's true, and I may not actually get there. But still, my best will be enough. It may or may not change my plans, but at the very least I'll be happy that I did my best. I wish I could have a day off, my batteries are really running on empty... It's kind of incredible that I'm so cheerful while feeling so damn tired and worried at the same time.
On a more personal level, I'm as lost as I'll ever be. I made a decision that on hindsight might not have been the one to take and now I have to live with it. I may have lost my chance to be with someone truly special to me. Worst of all, I can't go back. It's what I feel I should do, though. But rationally, it could be a disaster. I have an odd feeling that I've been here before and while I'm not a psychic, I have a feeling I know what will happen soon and it doesn't look good for me. Either way, I'm a man of my word and that's the main reason I won't go back. And even if my predictions come true, who knows what the future will hold?
Like someone wise once told me, when you look back, never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience!
I just wish I wasn't experienced enough! :)
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